I still think about the first time. I can picture your face, broad shoulders, the curve of your chest, the way the lines on your stomach pointed the way for me. Looking in amazement that you’d even consider the thought of me. Confused by the concentration in your stare. You didn’t really give me the option to say no. Your confidence was baffling to me. Moving from one sofa to the other, closer to me. I’m shaking. I can’t move, even though I’m terrified. Your eyes never leave mine. I feel my face getting hot. Now, sitting next to me on the couch, your finger grazes my cheek. You just moved my hair off my neck. Warm breath, soft kiss on the base of my neck. Why can’t I move? Your other hand is creeping in and starting to unbutton my shirt. What the hell am I doing? You laugh at me because I’m shaking so much. I get angry at you and push your hands away. “It’s not funny!” My anger makes you want me more and before I’m even aware of my surroundings, I’m four feet high in the air being carried to your bed.
I don’t know what it is or why it is. Confidence, Physical Attributes, The Unfamiliar, The Unusual, Something Naughty (or downright vulgar), but I’ve never had a better time being scared or bad in my life.
What’s the saying? Don’t be upset, you can’t lose something you never really had to begin with? I didn’t have you…but I had that feeling. And I can be sad about losing that.
Diary of a Dirty Domestic Goddess 